Wednesday, September 12, 2012

On the face of it - Dementia VS Brain Hemorrhage

ON THE FACE OF IT - Dementia VS Brain Hemorrhage

Fil : Dementia due to plaque collection in the brain (1 of the reasons, I read somewhere)

Father: Brain Hemorrhage and multiple blood clots due to a simple fall one evening.

Fil : No cure nor hospitalization.

Father : Hospitalized for nearly a month, very slow recovery.

Fil : Regular medicines which takes care of his vital organs.

Father : Heavily medicated which causes neurological imbalance.

Fil: Greatest passion now is EATING.

Father: Simply hates to EAT.

Fil: Have to keep a vigil 24x7.

Father: Same as above.

Fil: Doesn’t recognize ME most of the time even though I’m taking care of him.

Father: Recognizes me and unintentionally makes me go completely emotional with his talks.

Fil : Don’t know whether to laugh or cry at his behavior.

Father: Tears come out automatically when I hear him talk.

Fil: An extremely religious man, religiously prays 2 times a day chanting mantras/slokas loudly, repeating it over and again, I have to interrupt and tell him his prayers are over.

Father: An extremely religious man too and starts chanting mantras (slokas) loudly - the minute he is in severe pain.

Fil: Asks me daily whether I came back from Thirumala Tirupathi Temple and where is the prasadam laddus which he wants to eat at once. I bring him laddus from the sweet shop daily and he is very happy to eat them thinking its prasadam!

Father: Tells me, “Achhu(that’s what he calls me), when you go the temple tomorrow, stand in front of the God and pray to him asking him to take me to his feet fast, I have had enough on this earth.”

Fil: Was lost and found last week when he slipped from all our eagle eyes and vanished for 4 hours from the house, luckily an auto guy brought him home after 3 hours of searching for our house in our own area!!

Father: Completely bed ridden.

Fil : Living in utter confusion 24 x 7.

Father: Talking non-stop 24 x 7.

Fil : Care taker – me along with my cook and a maid.

Father: Caretaker – my mother along with a male nurse.

Fil : Craves for his daughter 24x7.

Father : Talks about his children 24x7.

Fil: Calls me a FAIR GIRL (an exact translation from our kannada words), doesn’t know am his daughter-in-law!

Father: He calls me by my pet name, thank God for small mercies.

Fil: Very happy when relatives come visiting.

Father: Very happy too and has lots of his childhood friends who visit him very often, I too sit with all of them and quietly listen in admiration at the stories they share.

Fil : Am with him all the time for all his needs.

Father: I go to visit him daily (rain or shine) and spend ½ an hour, at times helping him with physiotherapy exercises, massaging his hands, talking happy things - about various poojas and temples he would visit etc.

Fil: Daily I get him hot sweet bun from his favorite bakery.

Father: Shop for my mother because she is held up at home.

Fil: Take him for a monthly check up in my new car.

Father: Have made countless rounds to the hospital when he was hospitalized in my new car. Why do I use the words ‘new car’…. Coz I had never imagined I would be doing hospital rounds.

Fil: Met his neurosurgeon with his scan reports etc and continue to do so.

Father: Met several of his neurosurgeons at different stages of his treatments and am continuing to do so.

Fil: Has a big time argument with my 70 year old cook on a daily basis.

Father : Some argument with my mother daily.

Fil: I have to be the mediator and tell my FIL is right always!

Father: I have to tell my FATHER is right always!

And life goes on………

ME : After reading the above you can well imagine what am going through (No self pity please). Apart from being with my father-in-law and father, I can’t help being myself!!!! Habits die hard, I suppose. So, I eat, drink and make merry…. Drink, did I say? Coffee.... what else…haha!!

Have relatives visiting me often, my son Anirudh’s friend’s come home daily, so I get a mixed dose of some family gossips as well as some Bangalore city youth’s carefree attitude, it’s a heady mixture at times!

FACE BOOK: Am active on fb, surprised? Well, this is my stress buster… seeing my friends/relatives happy faces, their outings, their joy, their parties etc and reacting to it is a soothing effect in itself!

Not to forget the various poojas, temple visits, celebrating festivals, cooking my father-in-law’s favorite dishes, meeting my school friends, going out shopping with my sister and brother-in-law, forgetting the world while playing with my grand daughter (actually my sister’s), going to music concerts and a whole lot of other things.

There is not a day my eyes become moist thinking of the two different ways of old age sufferings and how it has robbed them of their dignity.

It saddens me no end to see helplessly my loved ones suffering. 

One has to go through the grind with whatever the best medical care one can get, life does not spare anyone I suppose.

One is eagerly praying for death to happen.

The other one simply exists oblivious to the things happening around him.

With this I end my ON THE FACE OF IT, the thoughts which I had to pen today.

(This was written on the 22nd of July 2012)


  1. Wow...sorry for saying wow,but I thought I was the only one.
    Thou I am just 36 the fear of old age and the age related health issues already boggle me.
    Having lost my mother in law last November after a prolonged battle with cancer,and now my FIL who has alzhimers Parkinson's and high diabetes,it's a daily battle for me and my husband to keep him happy and healthy.being the highly independent man that he is he hates staying with us and wants to stay all alone by himself in our hometown.he who forgets to switch off the tap when he is done wants to live all by himself.having two small kids,and him being highly agitated by the noise and merry that children make..It gets rally depressing sometimes..but after reading what both your father and FIL r going thru..kudos to u keep up your spirits...
    Sometimes I wonder when i read about accidents why god takes away people who r at a young age and yet to see a lot of life and keeps people who are at this stage of life battling everyday to live and live with dignity...guess he has his own way or scheme of things and a lesson or two for all of us to learn by these experiences.
    Lots of warm wishes and love
    Keep up your spirits

    1. Thanks Swathi for writing in.
      My father-in-law stayed alone for 10 long years after my mother-in-law expired.
      Its now i.e. from the month of March 2012 that I have gone to take care of him.
      Ya, old age is very scary for me now, after seeing all these... I can only say one thing Swathi, live your life to the fullest, never mind the challenges thrown to us by GOD, we women are strong willed and we know how to survive and we will!
      God bless and loads of love!